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Keeping your relationship healthy takes a lot of work. But referring to it as “work” sure takes the fun out of being married, doesn’t it? That’s the thing that couples unconsciously do amidst the business of keeping their marriages afloat. You became a couple to enjoy each other’s company, and when the responsibilities of married life come rolling in, the relationship feels like an endless series of boring chores. Marriage doesn’t have to feel like work all the time; as a couple, you owe it to yourself to remember the pleasure of enjoying the little things.
As we’ve talked about in the past, being “in love” is the passionate feelings of infatuation that couples experience during the early years of their marriage. However, these intense emotions are meant to wane over the months and years. As your relationship evolves, there will be periods of conflict with your spouse characterized by emotional chaos, disillusionment and ultimately, acceptance. In time, your marriage will go beyond fleeting moments of passion and move on to a more stable, deeper sense of loving.
When you look back to the moments that you hurt your partner, it’s common to wish that you could go back in time and do things differently. Sadly, what’s done is done; both of you need to live with the consequences. We’re only human, and it’s in our nature to make mistakes. But how to do you rectify the hurtful actions in order to heal the pain?
We touched on the role of money in marriage in the past, but today we’ll be taking a closer look into the matter. It’s no secret that a lot of couples have been split apart because of money problems. The very act of mulling over a lack of finances is a source of great tension in a marriage. Left unchecked, arguments about money will feed on themselves and worse, create a generally negative sentiment in your relationship.
Everyone knows what it’s like to be wronged in some way, be it by a person or situation. Anger is the natural response because this emotion pushes us into “fight mode” when we’re faced with threats. To a certain extent, anger is actually a helpful defense mechanism that keeps us safe. However, poorly managed anger can endanger your health, relationships and the quality of your life in general.
M. Scott Peck, the author of “The Road Less Traveled”, says that the tendency to avoid problems and emotional suffering is the primary basis of human mental illness. According to him, “some of us will go to extraordinary lengths to avoid our problems and the suffering they cause.” I have to agree – the Save My Marriage team handles a lot of couples who experience some form of sickness in their marriages because they have trouble facing the reality of their problems.
For couples experiencing difficulties in their marriage, it’s hard to accept how things have turned out between them. It seems just yesterday when all was right in the world and their relationship was destined to last forever. When spouses begin to realize that the person they married was not at all the perfect person they assumed they were, it can leave them shaken and even disgusted.
A few weeks ago, we received an email from Claire, a freelance consultant from Ohio, who told us that her marriage was in bad shape. She says: “Last month, my husband and I had a huge meltdown in the car while we were on an out-of-town trip. Apparently, he’s been harboring a lot of resentment towards me and the minor argument we had during that time sparked his outburst. It was just horrible; our kids were with us with when it happened. When we got back home, my husband continued expressing the frustration that’s been simmering within him for the past few years. He said that I was constantly absent in our marriage and that I wasn’t attentive to his needs.
Though we try to avoid stress in our lives, it’s a prevalent part of our daily routine. Throughout the week, we take on various responsibilities that require a great deal of our time and energy. As the days pile up, so do our stress levels. Between paying the bills, raising the kids, attending to your partner’s needs and working on your career, it’s hard to find time to decompress and take care of yourself. However, none of us can really afford NOT to do this. After all, we’re only human – even the most dedicated spouse needs to recharge their batteries.
The bond that husbands and wives share is often compared to a bonfire. Much like brightly burning flames, the passion typically runs high during the initial stages of the relationship.
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A lot of couples find themselves at the edge of their sanity, weary from keeping their marriage afloat. But if there’s one thing that can help them in their uphill struggle towards a better relationship, it’s returning to the reasons they fell in love.