Archive for 'Making Marriage Last'Keeping your relationship healthy takes a lot of work. But referring to it as “work” sure takes the fun out of being married, doesn’t it? That’s the thing that couples unconsciously do amidst the business of keeping their marriages afloat. You became a couple to enjoy each other’s company, and when the responsibilities of married life come rolling in, the relationship feels like an endless series of boring chores. Marriage doesn’t have to feel like work all the time; as a couple, you owe it to yourself to remember the pleasure of enjoying the little things.
As we’ve talked about in the past, being “in love” is the passionate feelings of infatuation that couples experience during the early years of their marriage. However, these intense emotions are meant to wane over the months and years. As your relationship evolves, there will be periods of conflict with your spouse characterized by emotional chaos, disillusionment and ultimately, acceptance. In time, your marriage will go beyond fleeting moments of passion and move on to a more stable, deeper sense of loving.
When you look back to the moments that you hurt your partner, it’s common to wish that you could go back in time and do things differently. Sadly, what’s done is done; both of you need to live with the consequences. We’re only human, and it’s in our nature to make mistakes. But how to do you rectify the hurtful actions in order to heal the pain?
We touched on the role of money in marriage in the past, but today we’ll be taking a closer look into the matter. It’s no secret that a lot of couples have been split apart because of money problems. The very act of mulling over a lack of finances is a source of great tension in a marriage. Left unchecked, arguments about money will feed on themselves and worse, create a generally negative sentiment in your relationship.
Everyone knows what it’s like to be wronged in some way, be it by a person or situation. Anger is the natural response because this emotion pushes us into “fight mode” when we’re faced with threats. To a certain extent, anger is actually a helpful defense mechanism that keeps us safe. However, poorly managed anger can endanger your health, relationships and the quality of your life in general.
A few weeks ago, we received an email from Claire, a freelance consultant from Ohio, who told us that her marriage was in bad shape. She says: “Last month, my husband and I had a huge meltdown in the car while we were on an out-of-town trip. Apparently, he’s been harboring a lot of resentment towards me and the minor argument we had during that time sparked his outburst. It was just horrible; our kids were with us with when it happened. When we got back home, my husband continued expressing the frustration that’s been simmering within him for the past few years. He said that I was constantly absent in our marriage and that I wasn’t attentive to his needs.
The bond that husbands and wives share is often compared to a bonfire. Much like brightly burning flames, the passion typically runs high during the initial stages of the relationship.
If you’ve ever owned a car for some time, you’ve probably had it repaired for some reason. Just recently, I had problems with my own ride. I was in a rush last week to leave for an appointment when the engine refused to start. Flustered, I struggled with it for almost half an hour until I gave up and took a cab instead. When I took my car to the shop that weekend, the mechanic told me that the culprit was a busted fuel filter which I should have replaced two months ago.
Among the many couples who’ve consulted with us, we’ve come across two common problems that they fight about the most. To the passing eye, these everyday problems aren’t threatening – but any couple should know better than to ignore them. Just because they’re common, it doesn’t mean you should take them for granted. They can slip under the radar and slowly eat away at the foundations of your relationship.
Previously, we discussed how to build up friendship in your marriage. We called this your Love Bank and you can keep your account balance high by making specific types of deposits. A healthy Love Bank has a good amount of friendship which you can use as “emotional currency” that you can spend during times of difficulty.
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A lot of couples find themselves at the edge of their sanity, weary from keeping their marriage afloat. But if there’s one thing that can help them in their uphill struggle towards a better relationship, it’s returning to the reasons they fell in love.