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Among the numerous consultations we handle daily, one of the most common cases we get is wherein one of the spouses is absent in the relationship. This could be caused by a general feeling of disillusionment with the marriage or exasperation over a partner’s behavior. Whether one of them has moved out or is still there but acting very distant, it’s difficult for the other person to deal with this change in their marriage. And so the usual problem is that the partner who wants to make things work becomes frustrated from the their spouse’s lack of interest in saving their marriage.
In many marriages, the peaceful union between husband and wife is disrupted by clashes with the in-laws. As much as a spouse would like for everyone to get along, disagreements with partner’s family will break out for one reason or another. More often than not, these fundamental differences in opinion can seriously get in the way of a marriage’s growth. It’s disheartening for many to marry a wonderful partner, only to get more than they bargained for.
It’s very difficult for someone to be betrayed by another person they’ve trusted the most. The easiest thing to do is to break down and cry when your spouse finds love somewhere else. However, it is always up to you how you’ll handle yourself in this difficult situation. You can choose to file a divorce or you can stop and think on what happened and strive hard to find a win-win solution. If you want to move forward and win against infidelity, the best thing to do is to pull yourself together and take control of your emotions. Allow yourself to hurt but not to the point of being irrational.
If you’ve ever owned a car for some time, you’ve probably had it repaired for some reason. Just recently, I had problems with my own ride. I was in a rush last week to leave for an appointment when the engine refused to start. Flustered, I struggled with it for almost half an hour until I gave up and took a cab instead. When I took my car to the shop that weekend, the mechanic told me that the culprit was a busted fuel filter which I should have replaced two months ago.
Among the many couples who’ve consulted with us, we’ve come across two common problems that they fight about the most. To the passing eye, these everyday problems aren’t threatening – but any couple should know better than to ignore them. Just because they’re common, it doesn’t mean you should take them for granted. They can slip under the radar and slowly eat away at the foundations of your relationship.
Previously, we discussed how to build up friendship in your marriage. We called this your Love Bank and you can keep your account balance high by making specific types of deposits. A healthy Love Bank has a good amount of friendship which you can use as “emotional currency” that you can spend during times of difficulty.
In my last post The Key to a Happy Marriage, we talked about how Dylan and Sarah’s clashing opinions couldn’t be remedied by simply saying yes all the time. Instead, they reached a compromise by introducing the willingness to be influenced in a relationship. While a lot of couples may have different positions on an issue, it doesn’t mean they can’t meet halfway. Taking the initiative to show this willingness sets the right tone and helps you be a good example to your spouse.
Dylan, a computer programmer from Sacramento, once asked me, “Is saying yes all the time the best way to a peaceful marriage?” He came to me some time ago because of the problems that have been brewing in his relationship. During one of our meetings, Dylan described in detail the kinds of arguments he had with his wife Sarah – arguments which he felt would only be diffused after he started agreeing with her (even if he truly didn’t!). He told me, “There was one time Sarah and I were bickering over attending a PTA (parent-teacher association) meeting at our son’s school. I was adamant over not going with her because I was already tired from work on that particular day.”
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