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Weathering The Storms

Monday, June 12, 2006

posted by Andrew

It’s snowing here today.

I would have never expected it, as it was blowing a balmy north-west wind last night when I went to bed, and it was unseasonably warm. However, this morning after opening the window, I realized why my dog was scratching at the door, wanting to be let in. Poor little thing was freezing, tho he did have a woolly coat on. After thawing the dog out, my first thought went to those close to me who would have to brave the snow and the treacherous conditions outside today. I even got out of bed early to make my partner a cup of tea while he was in the shower, something I almost never do during weekday mornings.

Something inside me went into auto-pilot, and it became very clear what was important to me. Where I live, we get snowfalls only once a year, and I have never known it to snow so early in the season, today down to sea level. I called my sister and my mother to check in with them and reassure them that I am available if they need my help for anything. While it was quite likely that they can cope with things without my assistance, I felt better for offering it, and they felt better for the thought that went into the call.

It made me wonder about how couples interact in times of crisis, and how something as simple as a fall of snow can bring such nurturing and selfless feelings to the forefront of your mind. It may be something other than a snowfall, such as a loved one injuring themselves, a birth in the family, or another event that brings forth feelings of togetherness and concern for those we love.

What is important in these times in your life is how you remove all of the inconsequential issues from the periphery of your life and focus on what is important. Like the passengers on the United Airlines flights on 9/11 when they knew it was going to crash. The first thing many of them did was call their loved ones. The partners of the passengers that died had the comfort that they were in their partners thoughts the moment they died.

I don’t know. Maybe I am taking all of this too far, but if you were aboard a plane about to crash, would your first thought be about being right in that argument you had with your husband or wife that morning? Or would it be about how much they mean to you and how much you love them?

So thinking about your marital crisis, how important is it to make your point and be right, and how important is it to just let it go and focus on what is really important? In times when your support is really  needed, how willing are you to drop all of your issues and help your partner?

While the issues might seem important to you at the time, when you are in the midst of an argument you need to consider how important the issues are going to be tomorrow, or in a week, or in a month. This should give you a clear indication how much emotional energy you invest into your marital conflicts. Weather the storm, and have faith in the fact that clearer weather is on the horizon.

It’s snowing again. I need to put another log on the fire.

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