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One of the most common complaints I get from members is complaints about why "Men have to act like men" or why "women are just so damn frustrating". When I read these comments I chuckle, and wonder how much each partner knows about the way each of you are socially conditioned.
I need to draw your attention to the work of David Deida, and in particular his book "The Way of the Superior Man"
In this book Deida explores the idea of masculine and feminine energy and offers readers an insight into answering questions about discovering your life’s true purpose, and what women really want, and why men act the way they do.
Society conditions men to be strong, competitive and independent, and this conditioning also applies to dominance in sex and relationships. A man is conditioned to win, achieve and show strength without emotion when it comes to relationships, while with sex, men are encouraged to want it, get it as much as they can, and to even expect it.
Women, on the other hand, are conditioned by society to be the nurturer and caregiver in the relationship. This isn’t a sexist ideal, this is simply the way society has conditioned its role expectations when it comes to relationships.
Carrying on from what I had discussed earlier about men being socially conditioned to be strong, independent and competitive and women being the nurturer and caregiver, masculine and feminine energy within relationships further complicate the issue.
For a man, masculine energy is to know where you are and what you want to be, and what needs to be done to reach your goals. According to David Deida, author of The Way of The Superior Man, you need to discover your goal and the way to achieving it by any means necessary. He explores the idea of the masculine gift being the ability to guide your partner out of their moods into the openness of loving.
In very practical terms, you need to know what your partner needs to do with their life so that they can relax. Perhaps it is exercise, meditation, change of career, dancing more, or spending more time with friends. All of these things are practical solutions, and this ability to guide your partner and be their wake up call. This is what your relationship is all about.
In comparison to the masculine energy, the feminine energy is necessary to connect the thoughts, goals and projects of masculinity and introduce touch, loving energy, tenderness and the ability to show affection.
However, when I talk about the idea of masculine and feminine energy, the great thing about this is that both men and women within a relationship have the ability to switch and change roles throughout their day and throughout their relationships. It is possible for a woman to embrace her masculine competitive energy in the workplace and switch roles to nurturer at the end of the day. In fact, women are much more able to fluidly switch from energy to energy as their roles dictate.
So what does this mean for you?
Well it means you should read David Deida’s work and understand a little more behind this concept. Your ability to change roles as needed within your relationship will determine to some extent how dynamic your relationship can be and it may go a long way towards understanding how complex men and women are, especially within a relationship or marriage context.