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Emotions and Response

Monday, August 14, 2006

posted by Andrew

It’s something we all do but at the same time will never understand.

In times of stress and frustration, there is often the temptation to lash out and unleash your feelings of despair and hopelessness. Most of the time the people who bear the brunt of our feelings are our partners. It often has very little to do with them, or if it does, in many cases it is only an indirect contribution to an already established mood.

So following this line of thought, we often end up hurting the ones we really love the most. At the time we do all we can to hush these thoughts and cover our guilt up by saying they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, or that we didn’t mean to explode, but it just happened.

In doing this, however, we forget how our comments can be received, and forget that in the midst of our temper we may have injured the feelings of those that are close to us.

What lessons can we learn from this?

I wish we could be happy, smiley people all the time, but human nature dictates that every once in a while we are all going to have a really bad day and a foul mood to accompany it. That’s not rocket science, its just life. But how we choose to express our emotions can define whether we have a good relationship, or one that is frought with angst and hurt feelings.

I admit I am just as guilty, and at times can let my emotions rule me. But the lesson I can learn from this is to make the communication process much more open and transparent, so when I am in a bad mood I am able to communicate this to my partner without making them feel bad too. That way I can have my bad mood and get over it without there having to be casualties.

Be honest about your mood. If you are feeling jealous or angry, say the words and identify the mood.

Communicate your mood to others if they are around you so you can be left alone to calm down and process your emotions.

Tell your loved one that the mood is what is causing you to feel this way, not necessarily them, even though it may feel like it at times. Situations cause your mood, but you control your response.

So thats the key. While we may feel dictated by our moods sometimes, we are ultimately still in control of our response. Learning how to choose an appropriate response is what makes us better people.

STOP!

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