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Angry Little Men

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

posted by Andrew

Angry little men.

That’s what they are. I deal with a lot of different people in the work that I do, and in the course of my work I have the fortune of mixing with some wonderful, warm, and insightful souls. I see and hear from a variety of different people right across the broad range of individuals that make up our society, and every so often I come across some very angry and troubled souls.

They are pretty easy to spot. In fact, they really like to make themselves heard. I’m not sure if they challenge me because they feel threatened by the success and the following that our course  has, or whether they are challenging me to fix their problems which to them may seem quite impossible. Nevertheless, I have gems of wisdom to offer even the most defensive and hardened souls.

Often I receive challenges as emails, challenging me and wondering who I think I am, imparting wisdom and thoughts to people in marital crisis. Some tell me that the insights I offer are wrong, sometimes irresponsible, sometimes even challenge the credibility of our course.

The Save My Marriage Today course has been online now for several years, and continues to support thousands of couples in their time of crisis. I encourage people to think. I encourage people to take a closer look at their actions and interactions with others. I challenge people to examine their crisis and identify opportunities for growth. Sometimes people agree with the information our course imparts, sometimes people don’t. I make no apologies for that.

But in attacking something you don’t like or understand, you tell others a lot about where you are at. Sometimes it is easier to attack others than deal with the real issues that are going on inside you or in your relationship. In attacking others, it temporarily boosts one’s self esteem and makes you feel better about yourself. But it is only a temporary thing.

Projecting your anger outwards is as effective as facing down a tank with a slingshot. It doesn’t help you fix your issues, and it doesn’t make others feel better about you either. It exposes insecurities and breeds contempt. It also aids in communication breakdown and works against the whole idea of fixing the problems that need to be addressed!

Marriage problems can be a very powerless and frightening time. The temptation to lash out is strong,  but the greatest benefit can be derived in taking responsibility for your actions and resisting the temptation to project outwards. Marital issues can be incredibly varied, but often the problems are further compounded by poor communication and misdirected anger.

My grandmother always told me you get much further in life with a little sugar rather than vinegar. Dealing with your problems like an adult and taking responsibility for your responses is one of the key steps to adulthood and understanding the complex nature of human relationships and marriages. Your marital crisis is an opportunity for growth. So let me help you learn and grow.



Comment by Michael Wells

August 31, 2006 @ 3:35 pm

I just wanted to thank you for providing these extra insights to anyone and everyone that wants to read them. These “extras”, along with the Save My Marriage Today program has really helped me to over come many problems, most of which I would have denied ever having just a year ago. Sadly I was unable to get my wife to consider counseling or to read any of the Save My Marriage Today course material. Our problems were mostly just problems with communication. going to a counselor since my wife left last year. I am still in love with her, though I haven’t seen or heard from her in several months. She filed for divorce several months after she left, but she hasn’t done much to move it along. I don’t know if this is because she may still care for me or if she just doesn’t have enough money to pay the lawyer to move more quickly. This entire process tears my heart out. I never saw it coming. My wife was raised by a controlling mother, that never allowed her the freedom to be herself. She seemed fine for the first few years of our marriage, but she also spent little to no time near her mother. When she tried to reconcile with her mother, she started to grow away from me. I didn’t see it at the time but it is very clear to me know. I still love my wife and I still think that with counseling that she could become her own person and our marriage could be saved. Maybe I am wrong and she will never get out from under her mothers thumb. Hope has kept me going for the year she has been gone, but I’m not sure my expectations are realistic anymore.


Comment by Jackson

September 1, 2006 @ 4:14 pm

It’s crazy huh, that people feel the need to aim their anger at others. I have bad days sometimes too, but I make sure it doesn’t rub off on others. I really look forward to reading your blog, its really thoughtful. If there were more people like you around the world would be a better place.

Keep up the good work


Comment by Joanna

September 4, 2006 @ 3:57 pm

Lol you are right on the button with this one. It amazes me how grown men and women can revert to acting like children so quickly. Thank you for your timely reminder to remember ourselves in times of conflict and frustration.

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