Got In-Law Problems? Get Great Marriage-Saving Tips and Advice in My Free Newsletter Series!
Welcome to my Save My Marriage Today Newsletter Series! If you are looking for effective, powerful tips and techniques to take your marriage back from the verge of divorce and rebuild the love that you both once had - even if your partner doesn't want to - then read on!
Got In-Law Problems?
by Andrew Rusbatch
You know the situation: you meet the dream man or woman, it is love at first sight, you meet their family, you get married, and you all live happily ever after.
We all wish this was the case sometimes, but for many couples, falling in love with your partner doesn't necessarily mean that you fall in love with the in-laws. This story is pretty common, and is often the fodder of jokes, cliches, and Hollywood films such as "Meet the Parents" and "Monster In Law".
Jokes and cliches aside, for many couples it is a reality, and the division between the partner and the in-laws can create some very real obstacles for married couples both new and old.
When you fall in love with the man or woman of your dreams, not too much thought is given to their parents or siblings, as the love you feel for the man or woman in your life is so much more important, right?
Coming into a new family is a difficult process, and this is even more evident when there are significant differences between the way your family interacts and the way your in-laws do. Parents feel protective towards their children and want to shield them from the hurt and heartache of relationship breakups.
Some parents worry about the change in values and lifestyle compared to what they experienced when they were first married, and for some families it can be a battle for control over who has more legitimacy in the eyes of your partner.
Some parents simply don't want their babies to grow up, and when their child releases themselves from their parents care and replaces them with someone new as the most important person in their life, feelings can be hurt. Over the course of time, and as children grow up and develop relationships and start new families, the style of parenting has to change.
It is a gradual progression from complete dependence, to nurture, to support, to guidance, and finally to letting go and having faith. Problems persist when this cycle is not duly recognized and people try to resist the forces which bring us from one step to the next.
In order to grow, we all need to change. Life is a constantly evolving cycle of changing roles both in our own lives and in other people’s. Sometimes we let these roles evolve and change, and other times we fight the inevitable, and in the process hurt ourselves and the feelings of others. In doing so we may delay the inevitable, or in many cases accelerate the forces of change that have so sharply become necessary in our own lives and in the way we interact with those we love.
Whether or not you get on with your in-laws, you need to examine your reasons for doing so. Do you threaten their belief system or gender role within the family, or do they threaten your belief system or role within your relationship? Do each of you challenge the other’s legitimacy to be the most important person in your partner’s life?
Once you have finished challenging each other, where does this leave your partner?
The key to healing in your family is in understanding your beliefs and reactions to people and perceived threats. As a partner, it is time to share legitimacy in the wider context of love. The fact that you and your in-laws both love your partner should bring you together. As a parent, it is time to let go and embrace a more holistic and less "hands on" style of parenting. And for all of us, it’s about recognizing the differences.
The differences between all of us are one of the important things that define us. Respecting those differences and doing what is in the best interests of your marriage rather than what is in your own best interests is the key to a successful and supportive marriage.
Why you need to listen
The trouble is, with marriage problems you don't always get it right. And that is nobody's fault. But that's why you need to listen to what I have to say. Trust me when I say I have almost seen it all. I never assume that I know everything, as every couple I help teaches me something.
But in my time helping couples I have learnt an awful lot about what makes marriages work and what helps turn bad marriages around.
Sure, you are going to get some great tips reading my newsletter series, and I am happy for you to read them. Heck, that's what they are there for! But you also need to realize that your marriage may need much more than a newsletter can offer you.
If you are REALLY serious about saving your marriage, and REALLY serious about staying married to your husband or wife, then you are going to need to do better.
And that's where I can help you. You have only just begun to understand what it takes to turn your marriage around and bring it back to the point where you can freely express your feelings to your partner, and live the love that brought you together in the beginning.
But you don't fully know everything about what you need to be doing to maximize your chances of saving your marriage. There is just far too much to put in a newsletter.
If you are REALLY serious about saving your marriage, you need to give it your full attention, and your full effort. You need ALL the answers and ALL the techniques to rebuilding your marriage, and you need them NOW. This may be the difference in fixing a minor marriage problem before it becomes a major one.
This may be the difference between saving your marriage and becoming a divorce statistic.
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"Thanks for your support,You were spot on with the unrealistic expectations (comparing my feelings for my husband with a past love -first love). I am now much more relaxed about my marriage - my husband and I are working through the exercises in the book and are finding it very valuable.I now am confident of a long lasting, successful marriage (even if there are challenges along the way).Thanks again - am recommending your website to my friends."
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About "Save My Marriage Today"
The "Save My Marriage Today" course is a comprehensive collection of marriage rebuilding tools designed to assist troubled couples in turning around the negative patterns of behavior that exist in their marriages.
We have a range of experience with a large variety of problems among the members of the Save My Marriage Today team and have managed to help many couples in crisis turnaround their patterns of negative behavior. We have a range of life-changing e-books, and also have a new e-book specifically written for couples in extreme crisis. We also offer free access to personal consultations from a member of the "Save My Marriage Today" team.
I am sure that we can help with any problem that you may have in your marriage.
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