Contemplating a Trial Separation? Get Great Marriage-Saving Tips and Advice in My Free Newsletter Series!
Welcome to my Save My Marriage Today Newsletter Series! If you are looking for effective, powerful tips and techniques to save your marriage from the verge of divorce and rebuild the love that you both once had - even if your partner doesn't want to - then read on!
Guidelines for a trial separation
By Andrew Rusbatch
A couple I have been working with for a while decided to initiate a trial separation a couple of weeks ago, partly as a result of the immense pressure the both of them were feeling over unresolved issues in their marriage. When I heard of the nature of their split, I cringed.
It is a situation echoed by many other couples with marital difficulties who believe that a few weeks apart is going to help soften tempers and solve the issues that have been plaguing them.
I understand that the intentions are to reduce the tension and put things in perspective, but this doesn't stop the separation being a destructive force in the relationship.
When couples decide to separate I have a few rules that I like to encourage people to stick to:
There are a number of other crucial guidelines that are necessary for a successful trial separation, and I outline these in my course. Trial separations are not about punishing your partner. They are not about escaping your partner either.
They are about alleviating the stress in a volatile situation, and giving each of you space and clarity to contemplate the most effective ways to move forward and resolve your marital issues.
I see too many couples using trial separations as ways of hurting each other, or using access as leverage to get their own way. You need to decide how a separation is going to bring you closer to fixing your issues. Are the two of you committed to resolving your conflict, or are you simply delaying the inevitable divorce?
Be very clear about what you want your trial separation to do if you feel this is the only course of action left to you. Following my guidelines about how to have a successful trial separation may be what saves your marriage.
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