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Disclosure: this review contains affiliate links. If you buy through them I may earn a commission, at no extra cost to you.

[Add one or two honest sentences about who you are and why you looked at this course.]

Save My Marriage Today! is a downloadable course for husbands and wives whose marriage is in trouble, written by Amy Waterman and Andrew Rusbatch and sold through ClickBank for $49.95. Its opening message says most marriage problems "aren't caused by lack of love or irreconcilable differences" but by "ineffective interpersonal skills, such as miscommunication and poor conflict resolution, and being negligent when it comes to establishing priorities." The rest of the course is about building those skills.

A 158-page course you can start on your own

The main book runs to 158 pages in 20 chapters, with 38 exercises along the way. Each exercise is marked Do Yourself or Do Together, so you can work through much of the course alone if your spouse isn't ready to take part yet.

The writing is plain and practical, and many chapters open with a letter from a reader in trouble, such as Brad, whose wife told him she had been unhappy for a long time, or Sally, who felt taken for granted after five years of marriage.

From the seven mistakes to winning back your spouse's love

• The life cycle of a marriage: six stages, from romance and infatuation through staking your territories to reconnection and commitment.
• Top 7 mistakes to avoid: the reactions that make a crisis worse, such as begging for forgiveness and suggesting a trial separation.
• Combating conflicts: negotiation, anger, triggers, and aggressive, assertive and passive responses.
• Banking in your relationship: the Love Bank, what not to say, and rediscovering respect.
• Money, work, in-laws and children: a chapter on each, including what to tell the kids.
• Coping with crisis: the five stages of a crisis, alcohol, drug and gambling dependency, depression and bereavement.
• Sex and intimacy, infidelity and trust: including whether to stay or go, and four steps to stop cheating in its tracks.
• Changing your spouse's attitude and getting your spouse to fall back in love with you.
• When to seek professional help, and how to choose a counselor.

[Add the chapter you found most useful, or the one you think your readers need most.]

Book 2, a personal consultation and five bonus books

Buyers also get Book 2, Save My Marriage Today! For Marriages in Extreme Crisis, which covers staying positive in a negative environment, the anatomy of an affair and the idea that love is a "doing" word. There's a personal email consultation with the Save My Marriage Today team, so you can describe your own situation and get advice on it.

The five bonus books are Stress: The Silent Killer, Seven Ways to Live Life to the Max, How to be Happy!, How to Cheat-Proof Your Relationship, and 6 Most Common Reasons for Divorce & How to Stop Them Happening to You. The course is a PDF with supplementary video and audio files, and it downloads straight away from the members' area.

What Paul and Steven wrote after reading it

"Before I came across your book my marriage was in serious danger of heading towards divorce. Now we are in a better place than we ever were before. Thank you so much!" Paul Arnold, Seattle

"I like the chapter on the Love Bank, its a brilliant concept." Steven B., Virginia

Every marriage is different, and no book can promise to save yours.

Where it falls short

It's a book, so it can't make either of you act on what it suggests, and the authors say as much in the first chapter. If there is abuse in your home or a serious mental health problem, get professional help first; the final chapter explains how to choose a counselor. Many of the reader letters come from the United States, so a few details may feel far from home if you live elsewhere.

$49.95 once, with 60 days to change your mind

Save My Marriage Today! costs $49.95 as a one-time payment through ClickBank's secure checkout. It comes with a 60-day, 100% money-back guarantee: email help@savemymarriagetoday.com within 60 days and your payment is refunded.

Who it suits best

It suits a husband or wife who wants to save their marriage and is willing to do the work, whether or not their spouse is on board yet. It also suits couples who aren't in crisis but feel they are drifting apart. If you'd like to start with something free, the 6-part email course on the most common reasons for divorce is a good first step.

See Save My Marriage Today! here (affiliate link).

Disclosure: this article contains affiliate links. If you buy through them I may earn a commission, at no extra cost to you.

When a husband or wife finds out how serious the trouble in their marriage is, the first thing they usually do is panic. The course Save My Marriage Today! calls this "damage control": you do the first thing that comes into your head and hope the right words will come as you speak. In many cases, it says, you end up doing far more damage to your chances of saving the marriage.

These are the seven mistakes the course asks you to avoid, in its own order.

1. Trying to fix it as quickly as possible

Most marriage problems have built up over a long time and carry a lot of feeling. If your spouse is unhappy, rushing to a quick fix can make their feelings look small. Acknowledge what they feel, and deal with the issues in a calm, considered way.

2. Saying "It wasn't me"

Denying your part, or deciding the real problem is your spouse's selfishness, won't save the marriage. Responsibility may not be split evenly, but the solution lies with both of you. The course puts it as a question: which is more important, being right or being together?

3. Begging for forgiveness

Pleading, apologising and promising to change in the first hours of a crisis damages your credibility, especially if you can't yet say which of your actions led to the trouble. Listen first, understand your part, and look for ways you can both take part in a solution. If you are guilty of what you're accused of, your actions will rebuild trust over time.

4. Giving up because your spouse has

If you don't believe your marriage can be saved, you'll find it very hard to convince your spouse. You can't control what your spouse does, but you have complete control over how you react. The course's advice is to stop the self-pity, find ways to channel your stress and reconnect with friends, and remember that a calm, focused person is far easier to come home to.

5. Believing "I'm not in love with you" means it's over

The rush of romance at the start of a relationship fades for everyone, the course says, anywhere from six months to the first two or three years. When a spouse says they are no longer "in love", they are reacting to a transition, the point where both of you are being called to a deeper kind of love.

6. Suggesting a trial separation

The course calls this a BIG mistake. Time apart rarely gives you the thinking time you hoped for; mostly it teaches you both to live as individuals, and once you've adjusted to that, saving the marriage gets much harder. If you need space, spend the day in separate places and keep living together.

7. Wishing you had your old life back

Wanting things back the way they were can lead couples to stop talking about their problems. The issues stay hidden for months or years and then return with more force. Acknowledge what went wrong and understand each other's point of view first, and then move forward.

[Add one honest sentence about which of these mistakes you've seen most often, in your own life or your readers'.]

All seven, and what to do instead, in one course

Save My Marriage Today! walks through each of these mistakes in its fourth chapter, then spends sixteen more chapters on what to do in their place, from handling conflict and money to helping your spouse fall back in love with you. It has 38 exercises, many of which you can do on your own, and a 60-day money-back guarantee. Read more about Save My Marriage Today! (affiliate link)

Disclosure: this page contains affiliate links. If you buy through them I may earn a commission, at no extra cost to you.

Who wrote Save My Marriage Today!?

Amy Waterman and Andrew Rusbatch. Amy is a professional writer who specialises in relationship guidance and marriage, and she is the voice of the Save My Marriage Today website.

What do you get?

A 158-page main book in 20 chapters with 38 exercises, Book 2 for marriages in extreme crisis, a personal email consultation with the Save My Marriage Today team, and five bonus books.

Do both spouses need to take part?

No. Each exercise is marked Do Yourself or Do Together, so you can start on your own.

Does it cover infidelity?

Yes. There's a chapter on infidelity and trust, including whether to stay or go, and a chapter on stopping cheating in its tracks. Book 2 includes a section on the anatomy of an affair.

What format is it in?

The main course is a PDF, with supplementary video and audio files. You download it from the members' area straight after you pay, at any hour.

How much does it cost?

$49.95, paid once through ClickBank's secure checkout. Your card statement shows "CLKBANK*COM".

Is there a guarantee?

Yes, 60 days and 100% of your money back. Email help@savemymarriagetoday.com within 60 days and your payment is refunded.

Does it replace a counselor?

No, and the course says so. Its last chapter explains when to seek professional help and how to choose a counselor.

Is there anything free to start with?

Yes. The 6 Most Common Reasons For Divorce is a free 6-part email course from the same team.

[Add one honest sentence about why you recommend the course.]

See Save My Marriage Today! (affiliate link)

Disclosure: this article contains affiliate links. If you buy through them I may earn a commission, at no extra cost to you.

It happens to the best of us. Communication is such a fickle thing, and the lines of communication can become blurred every so often, especially when love and feelings are involved. Even those who think that they are immune to the confusion of conflict can find themselves drawn into a communication breakdown when they least expect it, and chaos ensues.

Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune. This happened to me on the weekend, and to be quite honest, it took me by surprise. My spouse told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I automatically lashed back in defense.

It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of perfume. But to me, it represented something much deeper that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be, worse still when my partner has shifted it and I don't know the first place to begin searching.

Perfume, needles and thread, car keys, a Tupperware container to store my baking soda in, covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where I had to turn the house upside-down. A simple answer from my spouse when these things were shifted would have saved me a lot of time and frustration. And the answer I got? "You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better"

I was gutted. When I come home from work I exercise the dog and cook dinner so that it is on the table by the time my partner gets home. The house is always spotless and warm, as I'm very conscious of coming home to a tidy environment.

I see this as a fundamental part of my role in coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time. To imply that I have the time to "organize yourself better" really hurt.

I don't expect praise, but I did hope that my efforts were recognized. I got told that "I don't expect you to cook my dinner every night." That was interpreted by me as ingratitude, and hurt me even more.

So where to from here? My spouse felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, where I felt guilty if it wasn't perfect. It was never about me trying to make my spouse feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.

Communication, communication, communication. I needed my partner to keep me informed of where things move to. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship make us feel, and how we interpret each others contributions.

Just because something isn't spoken about, doesn't mean it's not important. A relationship or marriage is not a competition, but for many couples it feels like it.

When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.

We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't feel such love at the same time. But it served as a good reminder to me. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.

A good lesson to learn, even for the experts.

About Save My Marriage Today! If your marriage is in trouble, Save My Marriage Today! shows you the seven mistakes that push a spouse further away and what to do instead, with 38 exercises you can start on your own. It comes with Book 2 for marriages in extreme crisis and a 60-day money-back guarantee. Read more about the course (affiliate link).

Disclosure: this article contains affiliate links. If you buy through them I may earn a commission, at no extra cost to you.

What are the essential ingredients in an ideal relationship?

In the middle of a workshop recently a pertinent question was asked about what creates the ideal relationship. We were asked to think of a relationship we had with something in the last week that in one's mind was the ideal relationship, and to think of what it was about that relationship that made it ideal.

A number of men in the group thought of their cars, tool sheds, families, workmates, old friends, even relationships with objects such as their television remote, recliner chair, or favorite pair of shoes. To each of these men, these things felt comfortable, and simple. The relationships they had with these people or objects was rewarding and easy to maintain.

A number of women considered kitchen appliances, favorite clothes or shoes, old friends, neighbours, and treasured items in their lives, and the bond that they had created either between people or with items they used in their lives. Words such as reliable, dependable, and comforting were used.

When my turn came to identify my ideal relationship, I thought of my dog. My dog has very simple needs, requiring only food, shelter, and love. No matter how my day has been or what kind of mood I'm in, when I get home at night and I'm greeted in such an authentic, transparent, and enthusiastic fashion. My dog is always excited to see me, and it's very humbling when you consider it.

I don't know of any others that greet me so enthusiastically night after night. No matter how long I have been away from the house or no matter how my day has been. His needs are few, yet he gives so much. I call this unconditional love.

So what is unconditional love?

Unconditional love is the type of love that comes without conditions. It is the type of love that you have for your partner when the romantic, hollywood-style love is gone. Once the romantic love is gone you make the transition to "real" love. Real love is love you have for your partner despite the knowledge that they are not perfect.

You know by now your spouse has faults. You know your spouse is not perfect. You know your spouse makes mistakes sometimes, but that's okay. You still love them. You love your spouse because of those imperfections rather than in spite of them.

This is unconditional love.

The same thing applies to you however in looking at your partner's faults. You acknowledge that you are the same. You have faults. You are not perfect. You know you make mistakes sometimes, but that's okay. That's called self-acceptance, and you expect unconditional love to overcome the faults and imperfections that people have.

So what do you get from this then? Should we all go out and get dogs to teach us something about unconditional love? Maybe there is a lesson to be learnt here. We all clutter our lives with thoughts and emotions, trials and tribulations, and there is the temptation to let our issues become bigger than they really are and rule our lives.

If you are serious about saving your marriage the key is in finding ways to place the emotional clutter to one side and let your unconditional love come through. It is okay to have faults and make mistakes. It's okay to have thoughts and feelings. But above all of this is the love you have for your spouse, the love you have for one another. And love will conquer them all.

It is possible to not like your spouse or not like what they are doing and still love them. It's possible to not like where your life or your marriage is at but still love your spouse. The love you have for your spouse and your marriage can remain constant.

It's time to learn how to reconnect with your life purpose and learn to love unconditionally.

About Save My Marriage Today! If your marriage is in trouble, Save My Marriage Today! shows you the seven mistakes that push a spouse further away and what to do instead, with 38 exercises you can start on your own. It comes with Book 2 for marriages in extreme crisis and a 60-day money-back guarantee. Read more about the course (affiliate link).

Disclosure: this article contains affiliate links. If you buy through them I may earn a commission, at no extra cost to you.

Like the seasons, love in a relationship grows and wanes.

One of the most common myths in marriages is the belief that when the love wanes the relationship is over.

It's not.

If your spouse says 'I have fallen out of love with you,' don't panic. It doesn't mean your marriage is over. It doesn't even mean they don't love you. What it does mean is that your spouse has lost their way, or doesn't understand the many stages love and a relationship goes through.

You are being called to take charge of the situation, guide your spouse towards understanding this process, and even begin to rekindle your relationship.

The key to success is in understanding what is happening in your marriage and the role that love plays. It's very easy for us to connect losing the feelings of being in love with actual loving when it is not really the case.

After the initial thrill of romance is gone, couples often find themselves lost and confused. What they don't realize is that love is not just this heady lustful feeling that carries us away. That feeling has a shelf life. When the prospect of spending years together sets in, the correct question to ask one's self would be 'How now do I love without the initial thrill?'

We have to discover that every relationship has stages:

• falling in love
• the honeymoon stage
• chaos or disillusionment
• then mature love or resolution.

We are very quick to judge that we no longer love someone just because the feelings fade. With proper understanding, we can expect that even if the feeling may not be there, it doesn't mean we don't love.

In truth, love is a commitment. It is not just a feeling, it is a doing thing. A mature person loves by choice and not simply by circumstance.

The next step would be to manage your partner's feelings or lack thereof by starting with dialogue. Talk about the feelings and find out what happened, where is it coming from? There are numerous tools and methods available for a couple - together or with a counselor/mediator - that would help them examine their present situation. Talk to your spouse and tell him or her that the relationship deserves at the very least, dialogue.

In dialogue, let your spouse talk and you listen. There may be important things you need to learn about your spouse and your marriage. On the other hand, you can also share your own feelings about what is happening. Try not to place blame on your spouse, however, but share your thoughts and feelings by using 'I feel' statements.

In the meantime, do some self-improvement. It is never too late to evolve into a happier, more mature and more lovable person - even if it's just something you do for yourself. For all you know, this new you will be more attractive to your spouse and come as a surprise to him or her.

Finally, don't stop reinforcing your presence in the marriage. Do some positive loving acts for your spouse without expecting anything in return. These mirror your mature, positive view of what love really is. Make these acts little things. They don't have to be grand gestures.

It's the everyday things that actually build trust, intimacy and love between couples.

About Save My Marriage Today! If your marriage is in trouble, Save My Marriage Today! shows you the seven mistakes that push a spouse further away and what to do instead, with 38 exercises you can start on your own. It comes with Book 2 for marriages in extreme crisis and a 60-day money-back guarantee. Read more about the course (affiliate link).

Disclosure: this article contains affiliate links. If you buy through them I may earn a commission, at no extra cost to you.

A reality of modern relationships is the knowledge that divorce statistics have been steadily escalating in recent years. Even now, all marriages have between a 40 and 50 percent chance of divorce, which increases for second and third marriages, which is why it's more important than ever to have the necessary skills to ensure your relationship is secure against the threat of divorce.

There are steps you can take to actually build a strong, stable marriage and avoid divorce. Here are some key steps to apply to your marriage:

1. Start by understanding and being informed.

You can never be too informed about tools, methods and studies about building successful marriages. Understand the risk factors like your age and maturity at marriage can determine how successful it will be, the anatomy of an affair and what you can do after infidelity. Understand the success factors like the personal and psychological circumstances that will influence your marriage, what are the tools and approaches available to you in dealing with conflict, and numerous other relevant data. All this information is readily available to you whether through self-help material, through a counselor, support group or other venues. In fact, we have made it our commitment to provide these to you in different formats to help you make the best marriage you can.

The thing is, remember, this is information is not available for you to begin hyper-psychoanalyzing your relationship, yourself and your partner. It's not a matter of spewing trivia for the sake of conversation - information is there for you to ponder over and internalize to help you transform yourself and your marriage. That includes maturing to such a point that you become more competent in your knowledge but more prudent in approach.

2. A solid marriage is one in which you never stop putting in effort to make it better and better.

Good marriages are made. They don't just fall from heaven or off the pages of a romance novel. Unfortunately, many couples still believe that everything will be just fine after the wedding. Well, the wedding may have been absolutely lovely but the hard work of the marriage comes right after!

When the prospect of years together crops up, you just can't slack off. Nope, it's not a matter of stressing yourself trying to please your spouse daily. It's a mutual commitment to be 'other-focused', to communicate, spend time together, plan and set goals as a couple, lay down guidelines and sticking to them, lay down guidelines and knowing when to change them, dealing with kids and other significant relationships and so on. And, don't forget - keeping up the romance, passion and intimacy in your marriage - even if some days, you both are not in sync. Interestingly, a couple who has put in the effort develop an almost 6th sense about the others needs and desires. Now THAT is effort well worth it.

3. Commitment, commitment, commitment.

Notice that we did not say happiness as one of key factors in making a successful marriage. It's not even purely love. You see, happiness comes and goes and takes many forms. Love grows, wanes, develops and is a given in marriage relationship. Commitment, though, is something to invest in, to muster, to understand, to renew from time to time. This is the one constant through the happy and sad times, through the passionate and lovelorn times. Commitment makes people want to stay, make them feel they ought to stay, and/or they have to stay.

What many couples don't realize is that commitment is a decision. It's an act of choice within one mature individual that translates to how this person will be present for another. It is not a whim nor an extra. It is the true foundation of any relationship.

4. The power lies with you.

I always say that mature individuals make mature, lasting marriages. What people fail to realize is that, in anything, even a love relationship and more so in one, you can take responsibility and choose your actions. When the going gets tough, you have the choice to either react to the situation you're in or to be swept away by a tide of emotion. When faced by temptation, the temptation will not make you 'do it' - you will. It all lies with you. A happy, fulfilling relationship begins with you.

This means that you also have a lot of self-work to do. Work out your issues, mature, learn to love yourself. These are all part of growing up and growing into a successful marriage. Even when your partner has issues of his or her own or buckles under the pressure of a crisis - there is still you.

All in all, what I have outlined here are four broad tips on how to avoid divorce. There are many little details in each tip that you can continue to explore with your spouse as you build a successful marriage.

About Save My Marriage Today! If your marriage is in trouble, Save My Marriage Today! shows you the seven mistakes that push a spouse further away and what to do instead, with 38 exercises you can start on your own. It comes with Book 2 for marriages in extreme crisis and a 60-day money-back guarantee. Read more about the course (affiliate link).

Disclosure: this article contains affiliate links. If you buy through them I may earn a commission, at no extra cost to you.

Are you married to an addict or someone with deep personal issues? Is your marriage or family life going through a difficult time because of problems, financial concerns, abuse, or caring for a physically or emotionally handicapped family member?

If so, do you find yourself making excuses for these issues? Calling in sick for your alcoholic husband? Taking over the housework because your poor spouse is just too depressed to help? Denying that abuse is going on in your own home? Do you find yourself taking charge and bearing the burdens of the entire marriage or family?

You may be a codependent and this is a serious issue in marriages and families. You may have learned to be codependent due to your family background. It happened in your family so you tend to be attracted to the same situation once you marry.

You may have learned behaviors such as making excuses, tuning out, controlling, excessive caretaking, being hyper-vigilant because you feel that you should do something to save your family from shame or to at least diffuse the situation and keep the peace. You also do this because you desire to be needed and fear of doing anything that would change the relationship.

Unfortunately, while such behaviors may reduce conflict and tension for the meantime, they won't help for the long term. All you are doing is reinforcing the situation and even, allowing it to worsen. You are also allowing yourself to be lost within the situation and, in the long run, may find yourself no longer able to cope.

What can you do to overcome codependence in your marriage and family life?

If you are reading this short article and have come to recognize that you do have this problem - congratulations. That is the first step in beginning to overcome codependence. Admit that you have a problem and take steps to begin changing it. It will require both self-help and professional help.

More often than not, these issues stem from deep seated psychological problems. Don't let shame keep you from seeking the help of a counselor or psychologist. Additionally, there are programs similar to Codependents' Anonymous that will help you process your issues and provide you with tools how to overcome them.

Your partner or family member may also need professional help, especially if they are battling clinical conditions or addiction. Work at getting them the help they need, whether they want it or not. There are some excellent suggestions in Save My Marriage Today's ebook "How to Change Your Partner from Addiction, Even If they don't want to!"

If there is abuse in your home, more radical steps must be taken. For the sake of your own self-respect and for your children, if you have any, break away from the situation. Find a shelter or group that will help you gain your independence and help you through healing and recovery.

Codependents need healing too and, once recognized, you should not allow the situation to continue. Get help.

About Save My Marriage Today! If your marriage is in trouble, Save My Marriage Today! shows you the seven mistakes that push a spouse further away and what to do instead, with 38 exercises you can start on your own. It comes with Book 2 for marriages in extreme crisis and a 60-day money-back guarantee. Read more about the course (affiliate link).

Disclosure: this article contains affiliate links. If you buy through them I may earn a commission, at no extra cost to you.

We've heard the term 'two old marrieds' before. Most of us 'younger marrieds' harbor dreams of getting to that point. Some of us find it unappealing and unexciting. After all, what would you always prefer? A marriage as comfy as an old sock or the one hyped up in romantic novels and comedies?

Interestingly, it does take years of passion, love and intimacy to get to the point where a couple is so comfortable with each other that they finish each other's sentences and depend on each other. Want to know a secret? Studies say that couples like these have an even better sex life in their marital futures than the ones with all the passion at the start then burn out later on.

Why? Because these savvy couples don't let up on keeping the intimacy, passion and spice in their marriages. They've built it up through the years to what we can call as a marriage 'art form'.

How can you learn these spicy tips to keep the love in your marriage? Here's some of them!

1. Prioritize each other.

This is the mother of all tips. Successful old marrieds have come to realize that above all relationships each one has in their lives - even kids, own parents, siblings, co-workers, best buds - a couple has to prioritize their marriage.

Why? Ultimately, it will be just the two of you going through life together and you made the promise to do so. People fail to realize that your spouse is your first and foremost priority! They allow their marriages to get caught in between squabbling kids, family politics and even work obligations. Big no-no.

Your spouse has to know that he or she can trust you to do what's best for the relationship and vice versa, that he or she is your best friend and will never let you down. When you work as a team, you face the obligations you have towards others as a team.

2. Don't give up dating... Each other!

The humdrum of life, kids and laundry can take away time for each other. Don't allow it! If you're the spontaneous type, rethink your understanding because you really do have to set a date to date your spouse - and keep it regular!

You can even take turns planning surprise dates. They don't have to be grand, they just have to be time off to feed number one above. And, don't forget, the same way you are creative in dating your spouse, learn to be creative in the bedroom!

3. Fight fair, laugh always.

You might think the elements in this tip are not related but they absolutely are! It's all a matter of attitude. How do you see fighting or arguing in your relationship? How do you see humor? If you can inject both with a positive approach always, then you realize that it all comes from the inside.

Learn how to fight constructively with the correct communication tools. And don't take fighting too seriously. Laugh with your spouse at your annoying little fights. See them both as essential to your marriage.

4. Talk, discuss, agree to disagree!

As a couple, it's better if you share a majority of your beliefs and perspectives about life. But, even if you don't, talking, discussing and bantering are important in keeping the spice in your marriage. You can even agree to disagree and that's that! The more you talk, the more you get to know what your spouse is thinking and feeling. The more you get to know the real person behind the words. The more opportunities you find that you still surprise each other after all!

About Save My Marriage Today! If your marriage is in trouble, Save My Marriage Today! shows you the seven mistakes that push a spouse further away and what to do instead, with 38 exercises you can start on your own. It comes with Book 2 for marriages in extreme crisis and a 60-day money-back guarantee. Read more about the course (affiliate link).

Disclosure: this article contains affiliate links. If you buy through them I may earn a commission, at no extra cost to you.

There are numerous reasons why a once committed relationship would degenerate to one partner asking for a divorce. It could have been:

• an affair
• having been separated by a long distance for lengths of time
• conflict
• behavioral issues or psychological problems of one spouse
• even unmanaged addictions.

Whatever of these problems may be what is seen on the surface, the bottom line is that usually, barring any abuse or psychological problems that are best handled by a professional, a couple find themselves in danger of divorce when there is a loss of:

• communication
• love
• and intimacy

in the marital relationship.

Conflict or anger itself does not have to cause an irreparable rift between partners. With good communication skills and a shared commitment to a marriage, even these are surmountable. However, at that point where one partner is at the brink of abandoning the relationship, how can the remaining partner save their marriage? If you are at the point where your spouse has asked for a divorce, what can you do?

You must realize first that, YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE. Often, when confronted by a crisis, we find ourselves backed into a corner thinking we have no choice in the matter. How can we change the situation when it involves another person's feelings or decisions? While we cannot, MUST NOT and IN NO WAY manipulate, blackmail or threaten our partner into changing their mind, we can actually control how we react to the situation. If anything, you must realize that you still have control over yourself. You have the opportunity to look inward and take responsibility for your own feelings and actions and even have the chance to take personal inventory of what your partner is trying to tell you. Are there points in your marriage that must be changed? If so, respond appropriately and proactively.

Here's the thing. You can choose to wallow in pain and anger or you can choose to become even more positive and loving towards your spouse. You can choose to blame and shame your partner or you can choose to take stock, be accountable for where your marriage is and move on towards a more fulfilling, happy you. Yes, you heard me. You can choose to be fulfilled and happy in the midst of crisis.

Even if your spouse is stubborn and unresponsive, you can still change yourself and become as engaging, positive and proactive as you were when you first fell in love. Usually, at the struggling stage of a relationship, one or both partners would look back and miss the good old days where it was easy to be together. You can capture those days again - and even add to them with your own current maturity and growth. After all, you did not spend those years after the wedding for nothing. You and your spouse have made a huge investment into this partnership and your intention to stay in the marriage through positive loving actions, through open communication and strengthened commitment can help your spouse refocus his view on what you once committed to.

Become a loving person again by caring for your spouse in the little everyday things. Be there for him or her when before you may have been too much of a workaholic. Set aside intimate time just for your partner alone whereas previously, you may have let the kids take up too much of your time.

Then, when the time comes that you are able to open communication with your spouse and actually sit down and discuss the crisis you're in 'ask him or her if he or she realizes just how much effort a divorce could entail? Does your spouse actually realize that a divorce has emotional, financial, logistical and physical consequences? A divorce brings CHANGE and it is definitely not to be taken lightly. If your spouse wants a divorce, is he or she prepared to embrace this change?

Finally, you also have the option to involve a third party or mediator to help you and your spouse through this situation. If the situation is truly serious then by all means, get help. This is not the time to let your pride get in the way. A professional counselor, trusted elder or neutral friend can help in putting things into perspective between you and your partner and may even help unlock deep seated concerns or issues. For all you know, it may be as simple as your partner wanting more attention or more ways to open up to you.

About Save My Marriage Today! If your marriage is in trouble, Save My Marriage Today! shows you the seven mistakes that push a spouse further away and what to do instead, with 38 exercises you can start on your own. It comes with Book 2 for marriages in extreme crisis and a 60-day money-back guarantee. Read more about the course (affiliate link).

Disclosure: this article contains affiliate links. If you buy through them I may earn a commission, at no extra cost to you.

One of the most common questions spouses ask when confronting a marriage crisis is this: How can I save my marriage if my partner doesn't want to help find a solution? How do I succeed I am trying to save my marriage on my own? It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains 'in love', the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage' ALONE.

Considering there are two people contributing to the overall health and wellbeing of a marriage, shouldn't both of you be present to actually try and save it? Or, worse, when it's his, her, their fault so shouldn't he, she, they be the ones to make amends? You're just the victim here, after all!

The first thing you must know is if you want to save your marriage and if you find yourself alone in this desire, waiting for the other spouse to make the first move is the beginning of the end. If you are looking for someone to blame or someone else to put the emotional and physical work into saving the marriage, again, it's going to fail.

The belief that the responsibility lies with the other person is a self-defeating attitude. It propagates the belief that there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to save your marriage and you should stand and watch what comes your way.

NOT true!

There is still something you CAN DO. Even in your loneliness and solitude, you CAN save your marriage.

How? Let's begin first by examining what it means to be on your own.

As human beings, we hate being alone. It's part of our genetic make up to be social creatures and develop connections with others, whether through friendships or romantic interest. The way we connect with others and the nature of how we interact with people is a fundamental aspect of personal and emotional development.

The paradox is that as we grow older in the love, trust, companionship and support of our significant others, we develop an internal strength of self that makes us whole, happy human beings. Ideally, the mature human person should have developed a strong sense of self-awareness, confidence and self-esteem as he or she reaches adulthood. These become the windows with which we view the world, flaws and all. These make up part of our personal shelter amidst challenges and difficulties. This is called SELF-ACTUALIZATION.

However, many of us enter into adult life without even being aware of this beautiful, human truth. We may have experienced abandonment in our childhood or been disappointed by our romantic relationships; whatever it is, it has caused to shift from proper mature development to fears of abandonment and the inability to see that we can stand on our own two feet.

Thus, many of us enter relationships and marriages with the hope, plan and dream that we would never be alone. We invest so much in our partners and loved ones, focusing our entire beings on them and relying on them to make us happy and secure. Unfortunately, this perspective carries with it its own poison. Subconsciously, we project the responsibility of our life happiness on the other person, eloquently sidestepping taking responsibility for our own life happiness and destiny.

Problems develop when a partner indicates some form of dissatisfaction with the relationship or the expectations unwittingly placed upon them, and when they do so, we panic. When our partner leaves, our fears kick in. When something goes wrong with our marriages, it is very easy for us to place the blame of the other person for having made us unhappy.

In order to save your marriage when you are the only one doing it, the key then is a paradigm shift, meaning, the key is to change your attitude and focus. Stop focusing on your partner - stop the blaming, stop the inaction.

Take a good look at yourself and what you can do in this moment. You can definitely NOT control your partner's feelings, attitude and reactions, but you can control your own. You can go from fearing abandonment to actually taking responsibility for yourself and your own happiness.

This is where the human truth about self-actualization comes in. Understand, adapt and internalize this for yourself. Learn it. It will spell the difference not just in your marriage but in YOU.

A whole human being is easy to love. A happy person attracts happiness. In starting with yourself, you can move from being an unhappy, clingy, difficult person to one who can provide an environment of safety, wisdom, trust and open communication. If each of you are able to self-sustain when it comes to taking responsibility for your own life happiness, you both have much less baggage and much more genuine love to bring into the relationship. Your motivation shifts from being one of fear to being one of real love.

Rather than beat yourself up in desperation, try these tips to start your own personal transformation and lead your marriage to success:

• Breathe
• Smile
• Let go
• Believe that reconnection is possible
• See a counselor for YOURSELF not just for your marriage
• Examine your part in contributing to the difficulties in your marriage
• Forgive yourself
• Change
• Look after your health, beauty and well-being

For all you know, your partner (and you) may just rediscover the person they first fell in love with and more. For all you know, this is the type of you that would allow your partner to come back and initiate communication. When that happens, you have every opportunity to sit down with him or her, discuss your motivations, plans and feelings. You can even get to the real issues surrounding your marital difficulties and actually begin taking positive steps to work them through.

In being open and mature, you can also provide an environment where love and intimacy can flourish once more. With all the confidence and sincerity you have gathered, take these steps. Plus one more. Even in your separation, conflict or difficulties, find it in you to continue loving your partner and showing him or her that you do. Through little, subtle acts, like preparing a snack for him or her or spending some quality TV time, you can rekindle love in your marriage. They don't have to be grand gestures, they just have to be sincere. And coming from the mature, new you, they will.

About Save My Marriage Today! If your marriage is in trouble, Save My Marriage Today! shows you the seven mistakes that push a spouse further away and what to do instead, with 38 exercises you can start on your own. It comes with Book 2 for marriages in extreme crisis and a 60-day money-back guarantee. Read more about the course (affiliate link).